i’m scared.

im 3 months post partum. going through post partum rage. bad. obviously never hurt my baby but i put him down in a safe place and scream my lungs out in a pillow. in a very blackout moment, feeling disgusted with myself, i yelled at God. i said forget you. if you cared so much about me why do you keep letting me rage like this? why do you make me scared to pick my baby up and act angry towards a little BABY. why can’t you help me. forget you forget you forget you!

and wow. now that i’m clear minded and calm.. i am so afraid this will never be forgiven. i cursed at God and completely had a meltdown in the midst of post partum rage. what do i do