Can I have see before marriage and still be christian?

I was never raised christian and never really resonated with some of the more rigid/strict teachings of the bible. My sexuality is absolutely essential to my health, how I feel as a women, and my wellbeing (sex is very empowering for me with safe, consensual partners — relationships with sex essentially in a safe environment)

I’m really not willing to change my stance on this and I know the bible says otherwise, so hypothetically, if I just doubled down on this and still asked God to have a relationship with me would he reject me or something? I’m new to this how does it work hahaha