Lost

Wife of 8 years abused me physically and verbally. Cheated on me. Slandered me. Took my son (2 years old). I have lost my job, education pursuits, reputation, everything. She convinced church that I am abusive (I was not). I always prayed for her and loved her.

I’m broke. I’m being forced into the court system for her to take full custody of our son. I was the one that ran to our church and begged them to help and they in turn turned on me and are in the process of enacting church disciplining me. I keep applying to new jobs and being rejected.

I stopped praying for God to help my situation. 8 years of begging for an egg and being given a scorpion instead. Things have only gotten worse for 8 years. Unlike all the men of faith in the Bible that were expected to suffer for long periods of time, I have no signs that I can remind myself that God is indeed with me. Just brutal silence and contempt from him.

I don’t trust God with my situation anymore. He hurts me.

Please ask God to do the merciful thing and let me die as soon as possible (so as long as my son comes to know the Lord and trusts in Jesus.) I am too afraid of God to commit suicide but I desperately want to die and go to Heaven.