I don’t want to be Christian anymore

The more I grow up, the more I lose interest in Christianity and this interest lowers even more because of my mother. I try not to think this but sometimes I just think that I fucking hate her. She’s so forceful when it comes to christianity, It’s always you have to pray, you have to thank God for everything, you have to do this, you have to do that, you would be nowhere without God, I get it, but I feel like I’m having this forced on me. Back when I was younger, I would really try to be more Christian. I would secretly watch sermons, I would watch religious debates, I tried, but this woman is insufferable. She assumes that because she doesn’t see me do anything christian like, I don’t try to be closer to God. I doesn’t matter what I say, she doesn’t listen, she just yells back whatever she can think of. I think my interest in Christianity completely disappeared when she made me read a book about Christianity and I did, but I didn’t read enough for her, so she randomly yelled I’d never have any independence from her, she then tried to gaslightme that what she said made sense. She feels so violent. The first time I told her to stop being so pushy about religion because it’s not getting me any closer to God, she somehow changed the convo to how I’m not a good daughter, she talked of my laziness with house chores. She then asked me “if i hit you would you hate me?” She was expecting me to say no. I’m surrounded by idiots, all my family members are religious, who do i talk to? No matter how I try to bring up my problems, I don’t feel listened to. I get intimidated and just stop talking and cry. Everything about Christianity is just looking so stupid rn, the pastors she watchs and praises that do nothing but spew common sense, the pastors she watches that encourage her behavior, the way that the idea of a god seems stupid. I’m tired, I just want an opportunity to leave my mom and be free from all these rules. She isn’t all bad, she wants me to be happy, I know she definitely loves me, but she feels extreme. I just don’t know how to communicate with her.