ASKING FOR CHRISTIAN MEN: Is it normal as a teen boy to want to kill something?

Hello y‘all, how are ya?

So before saying anything else, I’d like to clarify. I am not experiencing homicidal thoughts, but I just want to kill something. I don’t really want to get into it but when I was quite young I did something in the name of self defense (justified) that traumatized me. Ever since, death has never really fazed me. Among family, or tragically a close friend.

Maybe Im experiencing something a little deeper and this is a way of coming out; for example, maybe I feel like I’m losing control in my life, and ending something would make me feel like I’m in control.

But I also understand that, as an adolescent, it’s normal to be filled with a drive, and although my example is a little extreme, it’s just a normal thing. I really like eating and I was hoping on going hunting at some point this year, so i think that should help a little.

I’m really just asking:

„Is this normal?“

„How do I stop feeling this way?“

Thanks! Please pray for me