Attack by Autistic Child

My 3 year old child was just attacked by an 11 year old autistic child (we will call him J). It started off with J displaying bullying behavior to my 3 year old like slamming the door in her face, not letting her get past him, blocking her, and even doing little “bucking” moves at her to make her go away. I noticed this and I was aware that he has a disability so I would remove her and ask him not to do that. But my 3 year old was grabbed by the arm, thrown up against the door , bitten, and then hit in the face with a shoe where her cheek and lip bled. I pushed him off of her as he was screaming “I DONT LIKE HER I DONT LIKE HER”and got her to safety as soon as possible. Call me stupid but I was completely unaware that J was capable of attacking an innocent 3 year old in this manner.

I have been absolutely horrified since and having a hard time forgiving myself for not just completely removing her once I saw he had been displaying bullying behavior. I just did not know that his aggression was this scary. Had he picked up something other than a shoe my child could have ended up in a much more serious situation.

The parent was present. The parent had asked us to give him space that day. Which i tried the best I could in that little house but we all know how 3 year olds are – they do not understand what it means when someone needs “space”.

I feel like I should have been told to leave completely and warned that he could become violent towards her. But now that everything is over with , I feel like there were too many signs for myself and for the parent of J to not have stopped this sooner from happening.

I cant stop seeing my 3 year old terrified face , screaming and holding her arm. She will never forget this moment and neither will I. I know in the future to immediately remove my child if J or any other autistic child is showing symptoms of bullying or aggravation so it doesn’t lead to something more serious like this.

Am I horrible for still being extremely pissed with this child who has autism? Am I horrible for not caring that J has a disability and feeling sick to my stomach that he could even do something like this to a tiny 3 year old? Am I horrible for not ever wanting him around my child again? 😭😭😭 this has been one of the toughest things I’ve dealt with emotionally since becoming a parent. WHEW!!!