Bisexual, in a conflict of values

I was raised Christian and believed deeply until I was about 19. I had very unhappy childhood, bullied, home abuse, malnourished etc. i was always praying to have a girlfriend but every girl rejected me. At that age a gay friend came out to me, and not gonna lie – i decided to give a shot to being with a man out of desperation to finally be loved by someone. It turned out I enjoyed it, but have always had a conflict since, you know, its a sin. That relationship ended at age 25, after which i decided I would like to try again to find a christian woman to have a family with and live in good values. But after 2 years of trying and being rejected over and over again, my depression is getting worse. To this day I was never accepted for a date by a woman. At the same time i am tempted because there are plenty of gay men who are ready to show me love and affection. This is an incredibly frustrating conundrum where trying to “be normal” is just making me depressed, but being with a man while making me happy, also makes me feel anxiety that I will go to hell