**”Every day I have this desire to live in solitude.

Lately, I just want to stay in deep solitude, but no matter how much I try (unfortunately), I end up interacting — whether at work, since I’m a waiter, or in other situations. I literally just want to isolate myself, in the most brutal sense, but I can’t haha.

I feel that somehow God still fills my heart, but even so, I desire this — I desire to isolate myself, to live in depression, or something like that, because I feel like I have no perspective on life anymore. Everything I received from God, I threw away; every opportunity He gave me, I wasted — literally.

I feel that when I was in a state of pre-depression, I actually felt better, with no perspective on anything. But anyway, that’s it. It’s as if Christ wouldn’t allow it