Feel like I am not a true man unless I learn how to fight, but don’t want brain damage. Intrusive thoughts bothering me. Porn also ruined self esteem. Really stuck.

I feel like I am in a very hard position with my intrusive thoughts.

On one hand, I feel like I need to train Muay Thai to get my confidence back after fighting cancer and health anxiety. I can’t date a woman unless I feel like I know how to fight, which I kind of do.

However, I think about it and there’s absolutely no comforting thought knowing that every hit to my head causes brain damage. I want to train, but get constant debilitating panic attacks and can’t sleep in addition to my cancer treatments thinking about sparring.

I don’t feel like a man. I feel that pornography affected me as well as a book called Wild at Heart.

I don’t know what to do.