How do you find/experience genuine faith?

Hi Everybody,

I am a 32 year old wife/mother. I grew up steadfastly attending church (ELCA Lutheran) but my parents are both agnostic and went to church for community reasons. Accordingly while I knew church very well I was never a big believer in God himself.

As a teen I fell away from Christianity, but I have always felt a negative lack of spirituality. In college I took several world religion courses, tried out “new age” practices, etc looking for something that would fulfill this need. Nothing really felt right or stuck.

I felt very called to return to Christianity over the last six months or so. I have attended church (again ELCA Lutheran out of familiarity) a handful of times, begun reading the Bible and consuming Christian focused content, etc.

Here is the part I am struggling with: genuine faith. I feel the existence of God is logically sound. I also enjoy going to church and participating in worship. But in my heart I still really do not have faith. I want to (I have recently started praying for faith) but due to my own personality and issues I am having such a hard time opening my heart.

It feels like I have one foot in the “I desperately want to believe” camp and the other in the “but who really knows, isn’t the whole thing probably wrong, maybe you’re making a big mistake, general atheist/agnostic talking points” camp. And I feel like unless I get that foot unstuck I can go thru the motions of religion every day but will never experience true faith, and I really want that. I am very envious of people who have a deep spiritual connection tbh.

Anyways, just looking to see what other people’s experiences with this have been, and if anyone has any advice on how to successfully take the leap of faith. Thank you !