I am not doing well

I feel so wrong inside and hate myself so much that I want to burn in hell for all the terrible things I do.

I don’t think I could ever accept forgiveness because I can never forgive myself.

I’ve lost everything. I’m lonelier than I’ve ever been. My head just hangs low everywhere I walk.

I ruined other people’s entire existence, not just their lives, but their eternal afterlives too.

I wish God would hurry up and pour his wrath out on me and throw me in the lake of fire. At least I can’t screw up anymore once I’m in the lake.

I just want to stop sinning. I already blasphemed the holy spirit and relinquished my desire for forgiveness. I just need to feel some pain for the things I’ve done.