I did something very wrong

I disrespected my parents by lying to them about my studies making them believing I graduated. I felt so hopeless and guilty for that but not enough to tell them the truth, until God punished me yesterday. I wanted to study something else, another path, but due to some payment irregularities I cant subscribe until August 2026. An entire year wasted from today and on, eventually I couldn’t bear it anymore and this morning I confessed the truth and unexpectedly they forgave me, because I’m their son and of course they will always forgive. After that I felt even more disgusted, and now beside the fact I can’t study for an entire year, I have to bear the shame, the guilt, the remorse along side with depressive and suicidal thoughts. This is the cross I have to carry. May the father and Jesus have mercy for what I did.