I have a blind spot in my faith and it really bothers me, I want to be a better Christian

So I (25F) have been dealing with disability all of my life thus far, I feel that is where the devil likes to attack most because when my physical health is affected my mental health is as well. But I know my God heals and he has in the past, I had a debilitating allergic reaction to Cirpo that made me unable to walk for 3 days, but I received prayer and I was healed then and there.

Right now I am dealing with something that causes me to have non-epileptic seizures when I see flashing lights, I’m stressed, or I turn too far to the left (I think it might be epilepsy but all the test have come back negative). The funny thing is, I have full faith that God is going to heal me. I lost my job because of my health and yet God made a way out of no way and I am on long term disability, even with my rent super high and my health bills even higher I have faith that God will provide, my disability got denied and God made a way out of no way. I moved and didn’t have any friends and now I not only have a Bible study of friends online, but irl friends who are amazing and go above and beyond to help me while I’m stuck in the house (I can no longer drive). But for some reason my blind spot is when it comes to romantic relationships.

I was seen as ugly growing up (I wasn’t ugly I just didn’t look like everyone around me) and it wasn’t until I was in college when people started seeing my beauty (God worked on me a lot). Because of that I still had some insecurity about not ever being able to find a man who loved me. I dated a bit in college but I finally got my first boyfriend when I was 22. He was a little older and an atheist but we were so in love that I thought I could just convert him or something because he was a Christian before. I prayed about it and I felt that God wanted me to break up with him but I was so scared because I thought no one else would ever love me. Anyway that guy wasn’t the one and he broke my heart (God tried to warn me 🤷🏿‍♀️). I started doing dating apps and I really felt like God didn’t want me on there (I’m not saying it’s a sin in general, but I don’t think it is what God wants for me personally). I always dreamed of meeting my husband in person but when my health started to decline and I was afraid I’d never meet someone; I went on a dating app and started dating a Christian man. This was definitely a “Sarah having Abraham sleep with Hagar” moment 😬 so it didn’t work out. Now my health is so bad I can barely leave my house and I have to attend my church online. I know God has a husband out there for me but it’s so hard to believe it even though He hasn’t failed me yet.

Not only that but because my seizures are partially stress induced it is very hard to pray about this without having an episode and I feel so far apart from God because I can only pray for so long and I’m missing Bible study because of my health. I’m so lonely and idk how to strengthen my faith in this area because I feel like giving up. I know God can do the impossible but why can’t I believe that God will send me my husband when I can’t leave the house?