I need to talk to a Christian, I feel like god is rejecting me please help me.

I feel like my heart is too filthy for god to accept to be his ! Because I have tried so many times, yet I am getting no answers.

I think my heart is filthy mainly because of lust, I asked god to take away lust from my heart and something did happen yes , but it was intensely traumatic to me so it stopped my lustful desires towards women and on the same day something else happened that stopped me from lusting over men too, I accepted the severe trauma as part of god’s plan but since yesterday I find myself still feeling horny sometimes without lusting over someone but yet I find myself viewing adult content and stuff 😞

And that’s why I feel like god doesn’t want my heart for even my caused trauma didn’t prevent me from lust.

I prayed, I prayed a lot and I asked for peace , but I got nothing.

And it breaks my heart 😞💔

Now it is worht mentioning that I have been a follower of Christ for only over a month, I have been an atheist and before I was an atheist I was a Muslim.

I live with my parents and of course I couldn’t go to church or get baptized 😞they even forced me to a mosque yesterday and it felt terrible to my soul 😞

Please help me how can I get closer to god ? Why do I feel like I am being rejected and not answered?

I’d appreciate any help and also since that trauma I have closed my DMS so please if you wanna help just comment on this post and I will text you myself 🙏🏻

God knows how much I want a pure , forgiving and beautiful heart ❤️‍🩹🙏🏻 but why is my heart not being transformed? I know I must be doing something wrong !?

And did I get traumatized for nothing in the end ? What’s all this ? Why all this ? What does it mean ?

I am seeking god and since I am getting no answers then I must be doing something wrong or too filthy for acceptance 😔

I feel distant from god and that’s VERY scary 😔 because I got used to his presence,love and peace but now I don’t feel any of this anymore ! What did I do wrong?

God used to answer me 😔💔no it’s silent and cold 😔😔💔