I still give into lust no matter what I do…

I’ve been struggling with lust for about 6 years now since my teenage years, I am 21 now. I try my hardest to resist and give into what’s holy but I don’t do it. I jump back to lust no matter how much I read the bible, trust in god, pray and doing other things to distract myself from lust, it will always have me tied to their finger. I hate it, I hate it so much. I would even give into it even if I got back from church. I feel like god is going to be tired of forgiving me and he’s gonna just let me figure out on my own. I want his forgiveness but I feel like he’d stop giving me forgiveness. Why am I like this…? I wanna be free and feel anti-lustful for the rest of my life so he could finally see I’d changed. If the raptured we’re to happen tomorrow I feel like he would not take me. I feel such a terrible son for him.