I think I’m depressed

Hi there,

I think I’m depressed.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 1.5 months, 6 weeks ago. No cheating. I 25F broke up with him 33M. Initially because of religion. I am a Christian, he’s Catholic. I am in leadership so the people around me expected I will date someone from my own religion. I thought it’d be that way too. However, I fell in love with him. This is the first time I felt secured, assured, loved, and adored this way. I didn’t want to fall inlove with him when I gaged his stand of changing his religion for me, and realized that he is not for it, but eventually he changed his decision and fought for our love. He was willing to attend our worship services. I asked him to read the Bible.. He was not consistent about it but he was trying. He spent his highschool in a Catholic School. In his 30 years, he was Catholic. So he asked me to slow it down (in regards to changing his religion). However, after bringing him 3 times to our church, the elders advised me to break up with him for the meantime, let him grow in his faith in God first and then we’ll get back together. I can’t do it. I was scared. I thought he might fall inlove with someone else. My last boyfriend fell inlove with my bestfriend last time. So.. I broke up with him completely, thinking I chose God. I blocked him. Then unblocked him.

We never lost contact but he never attended church again. We chat here and there, but not everyday. We message now a week gap after the last message. Most of the times, I message first sending random videos or memes. I see him reacting to my posts and stories that’s why I’m still being friendly.

I don’t know what to do. I still love him. I think he still cares for me. I asked him if we can get back together but he’s not responding anymore.

I try to move on, unfriend him, restrict him, but there’s something in my head that tells me we still have a chance. I’m going through cycles now of lerting go and holding on.

What should I do?