I went to Church after more than a decade

F18, Mostly a ramble, my family is Catholic, but we never went to Church often, and most of the time it was put up with arts and crafts since I was a child, after first grade we didn’t went to Church for years, I never read the Bible, I started calling myself atheist, after some years and currently, I can’t really choose between atheism, agnotism or my own personal beliefs because there is no proof, nothing is as simple as it seems

Since 2024 I’ve had this feeling of reading the Bible, I haven’t yet, but that curiosity was sudden, I didn’t feel anxious, I didn’t feel forced, most of my life I just denied religion, it was a sudden curiosity

I didn’t felt anxious about wether i’d be dammed for not going beliving in God, it really just feels so odd like the curiosity was out of nowhere, I felt like I should just do it someday, like I belong there, I don’t understand why, it wasn’t any sort of outside exposure, I genuinely had none

This was in 2024, I was extremely depressed then, my beliefs especially aligned more with atheism

This year I did more lifestyle changes and improved my depression a ton, but I started to have some anxiety attacks, I especially feel like there’s more, a few hours (like 5 or 6) before Pope Francis died, I was thinking about the white smoke in the chimney, and I was wondering about the next pope, when I woke up to the news that he passed away I was shocked, I told my parents, similar things have happened to me, it always made me believe there is more

While my mom suggested we go to Church due to my anxiety, and I thought sure why not, I had more reasons to go, I personally didn’t felt like others would describe it, like God was looking at you, his presence, I didn’t feel that, when we arrived I just started tearing up alot and believe me its hard for me to cry, I am so good at bottling up my emotions, I didn’t like the priest either, I simply felt like I was in the right place, like I belonged there, it just felt nice, but also exhausting, I had a good time overrall, I re-met a Vietnam veteran I talked to once and hoped to see him again for months

This was an Evangelical Church, so maybe it’s not really all that traditional but there is a much older 300-400 year old Catholic Church in my city and I want to participate there too