I’m confused

I’ve found myself questioning my religion — rather, lack of religion — lately. I’m an atheist. I grew up atheist and raised by atheists. My siblings are atheist. I don’t believe in an afterlife. I believe in the theory of evolution and all the scientific jazz. Please do not make fun or try to challenge these beliefs.

I started questioning things though. I’ve considered reading the Bible, but the notion of that is daunting. I don’t think I believe in God, but I’d be open to see God and Satan and Heaven and Hell as symbols rather than actual beings or places. I do believe that there are guidelines in Christianity that could serve as good moral guidance.

I also find the idea of being so raw and vulnerable and honest in a religious setting to be beautiful. There are many things in Christianity I find beautiful (not aesthetically, beautiful in a spiritual sense).

I don’t think I’d be a “good” Christian though. I don’t think I’d pray. I’m not the best person. I know I can improve through Christianity, but there’s still certain things I wouldn’t follow.

I’m just not sure what I should do. I may read the Bible. I don’t know if I “need” religion to improve myself. I’m mostly just confused. I know I should just trust that I’ll find my way or that God has a plan or something. Sorry if this post is disorganized or hard to understand. I’m also sorry if this was disrespectful somehow.

Also, this is probably ironic to request in a Christian community, but please don’t preach at me in the comments. I don’t want to hear about how I’m finding God because I very well might not be.