I’m so tired of suffering. My whole life had been nothing but suffering

Ive never been stable, ive always had to be in survival mode. Never knowing of i will be sleeping outside or have a roof over my head. Never knowing if im going to eat or if i can afford my medicine. I haven’t had a bed to sleep on in 11 years. I haven’t had a place to call my own, my family can’t support me, i don’t have any true friends. Your supposed to know the tree but it’s fruit and if you look at my life your see nothing. (Ive been told this so many times) ive been saved for 6 years and even though i have matured as a person and grown so much, even though my relationship with God has gotten closer, i don’t want to do this anymore. I have nothing on this earth for me. The only thing that is good is God. If it comes between a lifetime of suffering, pain, heartache or being with the only thing that Good (which is God) I’d rather just be with God. I’m dang near 30 years old with absolutely nothing, constently starting over, constently being homeless, not being able to find a job that doesn’t require hard labor with very low pay (because they accept nearly anyone). ive been asking God, BEGGING, for him to step in, BEGGING for hope while constantly being spiritual attacked and things just get worse and worse and worse. I’m just ready to be in the place with Him where there is none of this. I trust God and believe that ask things will eventually lead to his glory. The joy of the Lord is real, when you are with him. But I cant be in prayer 24/7. I have to work, i have to survive. God does not care about your feelings. Regardless of how I feel, no matter how depressed, no matter how broken down, no matter however I feel, I will always follow the laws and commandments of God. It doesn’t seem that my happiness, the things I aim for in life, even having joy matters to God in the ways that he will intervene and help because Ive been asking for help for so long. So, so, long. It just a deep pain Ive learned to live with. My nature is to be loving and kind but being in this world has hardened me to indifference and hate. I reallt wish i didn’t have to be this way. Im tired. I’m just a ghost in this body wanting to go home and be with God.