Lust

For backstory:

Guys, I’m new to believing in Jesus. He was always instilled some form of way because my family is Catholic, but I was never forced to go to Church. When I first got my license I started to finally go to church because it always made me feel better. I’m starting to become an even firmer believer and I know my God loves me and is there for me. However, there’s one sin that I feel like forever disconnects me from him. For the last 4 years I have not been able to go than 9 days without masturbation. I feel so terrible NOW because I’m closer to God than I’ve ever been and I don’t want to do things that stray me from him. I feel as stupid as the dog that returns to his vomit whenever I do it! I know God forgives but everytime I come back to him, I’m ashamed and I feel like I abuse his grace. Whenever these urges happen it’s like I lose control of my thoughts and actions. I don’t know what to do. It’s been really hard.