My faith

M21 I have had a hard life since the second I came into this world. I was neglected and abused as a child. I often felt no hope. Everyone i ever counted on or loved left me. Then towards the end of high-school I found a girl who helped me see God for who was. She helped me see I didn’t have to live in pain and fear. That there was someone out there who loved me. I began dating this girl and we were really happy for a while. College came and we decided to try long distance. It was hard but we made it work for 2 years. Then A few months ago I was dumped by my high-school sweetheart. I was planning on proposing this summer. Last year at college (long distance and often alone)I got caught up in the enticing and deceitful world of drugs. I went to rehab and came out stronger than ever. I felt more like me than i ever had. But our relationship had taken a hit that just couldnt recover. She dumped me a few months later. It made me question a lot about my faith. Why would God send someone into my life to show me who he was if he was just going to rip her from me like he’s ripped away everyone else? For the past few weeks I’ve been questioning whether I believe God exists at all. Last night I was sitting on the toilet contemplating ending it all. I simply didn’t have the strength to live anymore. When I looked down I saw a stick and poke tattoo on my thigh I had gotten on my thigh drunk at 2am in my dorm room my freshman year of college. That tattoo is very simple. It just says Phil. 4:13. And that is why im able to even write this. I can do all things through christ who strengthens me