Need a miracle, an intervention, by the end of this week. Don’t know what to do otherwise.

As I’m typing this i’m so exhausted and i feel terrified and helpless. i’ve posted about this situation before (see first post on my profile, scroll down).

tldr, the situation: I’m 22, and my parents are not believers. I came into the faith when I was about 15-16 and when I told them back then that I wanted to live my faith, I was met with immense backlash. From then till now, I didn’t have opportunities to fellowship with believers (eg attend church). My relationship with my parents are only great on the surface when we talk about easy things. I couldn’t talk to them about difficult or emotional things all my life. I would say it is quite an enmeshed family system. They are overprotective, they dont really see me as an adult. I have quite a lot of relational/attachment trauma from my dad especially because of his anger issues. When I said I was Christian as a teen, he exploded and I still have so much trauma from that.

This year, a string of events happened (I believe this was God’s doing) where I am now in the position again to tell my parents I want to go to church. I dont know if they remember the incident years ago, they probably think it was a “phase”.

I need to tell my parents by the end of this week that I want to go to church (ie tell them my faith). This has dragged on long enough. I am scared, literally writhing in discomfort about the conversation. I need something to happen so that this is out in the open. I dont think I can ever find it in myself to just tell them. I am literally drowning in guilt over this.

I know this doesn’t even seem like a big thing for many. but the context is I’m not from the US, I’m from Asia, where Christians are the minority and there is some bad rep of Christians being “pushy” and disrespectful of other religions, etc. It is also a more collectivistic society so although I’m considered an adult, it isn’t so easy for me to just “establish my own path” and do what I want to do. persecution from family is actually so different and harder than from strangers.

This has caused me guilt in so many ways. Am I even a true follower of Christ if I cannot pick up my cross and face my family? Is God testing me to see if I’m worthy of following Jesus? Has He turned His back on me?

I know the reward at the end of it is great. I know my God is able. He is sovereign and strong and I shouldn’t be afraid of mere mortals. He has paved the way for me this year in unexpected ways already. I know He can hold me through this, I dont doubt Him. But my weakness is so strong. I can’t seem to just tell my parents, to just say it. I need some sort of intervention, some miracle, for this to be brought up. I am at a complete loss and i dont know what to do if by the end of this week, nothing is done. It will be all my fault. all my Christian friends will be so let down. I dont want God to give up on me, please. I need help, miracle, divine intervention for me to carry out His will. I fear I can’t do it alone

add on for clarity: the reason why it has to be “this week” is because I’m attending a christmas service with a friend next week. My family already knows about this; and they’re okay with it, but I would want to tell them before that so they dont think I was “influenced” or “pressured” by the service. I’ve also been progressively already working these faith topics into our conversations (eg talking about Jesus, Christmas etc), just minus the part of me explicitly saying I’m in the faith. I’m hoping this Christmas season sort of sets up the “vibes/mood” more of talking about this.

i would love to hear from everyone.. and especially those who grew up in non christian families and how you navigated it.