Struggling to accept His love + forgiveness?

Hello all. I am still in shock and awe about the goodness of Jesus. I wanted to share in case it could help anyone else.

Long story short, I have recently been very depressed with several life factors and addiction weighing me down. I have always been a lukewarm christian but recently getting back into being all about Jesus. But still addicted to substances. I knew they were drawing me further from God so decided to throw everything away tonight.

Later while in worship, ya know i was feeling good because i threw everything away, i prayed: “Jesus I know I’m not supposed to do this but if you have anything to say to me could you please show me now?”

i was going to flip to a page near psalms cuz i love psalms but my fingers wandered further down. I flipped to Isaiah 40:

“Comfort, yes, comfort My people!” Says your God. “Speak comfort to Jerusalem, and cry out to her, That her warfare is ended, That her iniquity is pardoned; For she has received from the LORD’s hand Double for all her sins.”

I immediately broke down crying. Recently I have been struggling with accepting God’s love and forgiveness. Like i think i’m straight up evil because of some things in my past. I wouldn’t blame Jesus if He turned His back on me forever. My prayers have been about asking for his help in accepting this forgiveness and love because my mind could genuinely not comprehend how can He love me??? I am the worst?? Even as I was flipping that page i was half expecting it to be a verse from Jesus being angry at sinners or something😭 But this verse was the first thing my eyes landed on.

bonus points especially because it’s a verse where God explicitly uses she/her 🥹💗

Thank you Jesus. This was so crazy I still don’t know if I explained it right.