testimonies

why do I feel randomly called to watch testimonies and the ones im watching make me emotional and make me feel like I should change my life but it never happens but I really want to and It makes me feel guilty. I know God is real but I feel guilty for not feeling the connection if that makes sense. it feels like people have these crazy stories on how they got close to god and that god spoke to them but for some reason it just feels like he wants no connection with me I dont feel nothing but I want to can someone help