What should I do now?

I posted something before but maybe it was too long. But I would genuinely like some advice. Short intro; I became a Christian in 2011 (16 year old), studied the bible for 3 years, was a youth leader/missionary/evangelist from 2014-2021 (18-26 years old). But around the end of 2018 I started to fall in sin; first sex before marriage, then a drinking habit after heartbreak and a strong porn addiction. I covered everything up and admitted to nothing, I struggled probably most with lying sometimes being honest with myself on where I was to downplay where I was and justify my actions. It led to a divorce with a truly beautiful woman who loved Jesus, hurting her, my family and my church community at the time. Even though she wanted to work things out, I wanted to stay in my sin and ran away from all the support that was given to me at the time. I really really hurt her at that time and just hid doing my own thing basically until present (if anything getting worse).

I know position in the church does not matter, I list those things because initially I did those things out of my love for Jesus and wanting to do more for Him and reach more people. Eventually I became a hypocrite and live a double life when I got hurt and forgot what it was all about as I mentioned above.

I am now 29, turning 30 at the end of the year. I have since continued in my past sin, have had multiple sexual partners and besides maybe a new swearing habit, I have added Affair to my list of sin (ex long term partner was married). After this relationship ended I had a hard look at myself and felt something that I had not previously felt in years.. conviction. I felt convicted because I had become someone I never thought I would become and I knew only Jesus could save me. But I knew that I did need community, because I am an expert in doing things alone and failing and getting worse. I need accountability, rebuke and brotherly love, I know I could change if I had these things. However, this church which I wish to be in (reason being; they are grounded on the word of God which is important to me, seemingly godly leadership examples) discouraged me as I felt no one reached out to me, no one but other new people engaged in conversation with me, no leaders gave contact info or asked to catch up etc. I thought to give it a proper chance, attended Sundays, mid week Bible study group, new person night, mid week teachings, I wanted to join a retreat they had but because of some severe social anxiety thinking I would look like a fool due to no one probably talking to me the entire time, I didn’t go. I heard it was ok though and I actually might’ve made a friend, so I regret it.

For context: I struggle with social anxiety on day to day life, I am a complete over-thinker making issues greater than they actually are and can often struggle with feelings of poor self worth and these days regret to what I have done that I usually spend my days in isolation with no real friends for support (only people to drink with). I am naturally quiet and although I can sometimes act so confidently not caring what others think when I get comfortable, I really do struggle when I am uncomfortable or in a new setting.

Since my last time of conviction, I lasted about a couple of weeks which probably wasn’t long enough to give the church a proper chance, but I drank which further made me more negative towards going to the retreat. But right now, I have the conviction again. And because of how rare it is, all I am doing currently is listening to worship songs from an old playlist of mine in an attempt to preserve it. I still want to give the same church another chance, I know there are other churches and will visit them if I feel this current one isn’t the right fit after another chance.

I am writing this for advice on what I should do next to get my life for Him back on track?