When people at church feel more like coworkers than friends..

This is something I have been struggling in for a while now. My husband and I have been a part of the worship band at our church for 2 years now, and have attended for 3. This is a new church that was started just 3 years ago by a young pastor (28M.) We had high hopes of making lots of friends here since almost everyone at this church are primarily young adults. However, despite our efforts, we have still not managed to make any friends here. We attended Bible studies and would try to join in on conversations with others but would get cut off and they would once again go back to talking with their established friend circles. We were always feeling left out.

Our pastor also hardly talks to us, only greets us occasionally, but has never been the type to check up on us or ask if we need prayer, invited us out, etc. This would be understandable if it was a large church but this is still a small church with only around 40 people.. He chooses to be closer with certain people only but constantly preaches about the importance of building community and being in fellowship.. Although everyone at church has been nice to us, everything seems so superficial.. Only small talks with no true friendships being formed despite our efforts.

Our worship band mates also only talk to us about worship-related stuff. No one texts us unless they need us for something worship-related or to help with something else at church. I’ve been texted several times when they wanted to know if I was available to fill in for the children’s ministry teacher on a short notice.. It’s never a text asking us how we’re doing or if we’d like to get coffee, etc.. Recently our church got a new sound set up and the sound guy is going to be out next week so guess who they texted to ask to be in charge of learning how to do the connections and set it up? Yup, us too.

We have been faithful in being helpful whenever needed but we’ve come to a point where it’s like we’re invisible except for when they need our help, then that’s the only time they text us. It really feels like we’re just coworkers here, there isn’t any true friendships being formed or any true “fellowship.” Thoughts or advice?