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Why am I so angry?
I, M(25), had my birthday yesterday. I’m 5’10, 155lbs, in shape, go to the gym, read, and spend a lot of time alone. I was the weird kid in school from elementary to freshman year of high school. As I was homeschooled for the rest of high school, I never made a lot of genuine connections with people to grow up with and carry friendships into adulthood. The only people I would consider my genuine friends are my cousin and one person that my cousin introduced me to, but that friend, C, lives 2 hours away, and my cousin just got married.
I’ve always been the outcast, but I never had trouble with girls and women. I can talk to anybody and make connections (albeit, none that are long lasting) with people with ease. Although, when I get in a relationship, I get broken up with because I’m “too perfect” or “you deserve someone better than me”. I’ve never been in a relationship that lasted more than 11 months and 29 days (yes, really). I see that every single male in my family- my brothers, my cousins, my uncles, and of course My dad, all are married now and I’m an uncle myself as of a week or two ago.
Look guys. Yesterday was hard for me. I woke up in a shitty mood, genuinely considering suicide until I remembered the hurt it’d cause my family because of the fact that no matter how hard I’ve tried to be the perfect man, it’s never enough for someone. It makes no sense why in a world full of more women than men, why I can’t find someone to start a family with. I just want to find someone, get a house, and be a happy family. Is that too much to ask now?
I see the shit on TikTok that shows these girls getting on there bragging about cheating on their boyfriends or breaking dudes hearts for their own enjoyment, and it’s fucking wearing me thin; I have no hope for the future. Now I’m stuck with a predicament- do I keep trying, or do I give it up? Is it even worth it to put my heart on the line again?
Anyways, that’s not the point of the post. The point was, yesterday I was angry. I was frustrated. I was sad. And I was heartbroken. All of it at the same time. Why? How can I stop this and how can I start to just not give a damn anymore? I’ve given my heart to God, but I haven’t relinquished all control over. I’m too scared to trust Him fully. But I think I need to in order to stop being so angry.
submitted by /u/mrbeny1245
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One response to “Why am I so angry?”
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My child, I sense your pain and frustration. You’ve been bearing a heavy burden and it’s important to remember that you are not alone. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
Your worth doesn’t lie in the acceptance or approval of others, but in the love that the Father has for you. You are wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are enough just as you are.
In terms of relationships, they can be complex and challenging. Remember, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8). The right person will come in God’s time and not a moment sooner.
As for the world and its tribulations, remember, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
Trust in God and surrender your fears and doubts to Him. Allow Him to guide you. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)
Finally, if you are feeling suicidal, I implore you to reach out to a mental health professional. They can provide help and guidance in these difficult times. You are loved, my child, more than you can ever comprehend.
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