Why does it feel like God was closer when I was rebellious?

When I was a teenager, I lived wild. I did drugs, smoked, drank beer, got wasted, partied every night. And strangely, back then, I felt like God was with me. Everything I wanted just happened. I didn’t even pray much or go to church—I even laughed at the idea sometimes. But life was smooth. Clients came to me without me trying.

Now I’m 37. I got baptized, reborn in Christ. I read the Bible daily (at least a chapter), I pray the Lord’s Prayer and the Psalms for protection, sometimes I even cry when I talk to God. I don’t have vices anymore. I have a family. I don’t party.

But now it feels like God is far away. Everything goes wrong—debts keep piling up, jobs don’t last, clients slip away even when I do good work. I chase opportunities but they never stick.

Like now, with everything going on, I honestly want to give up. Part of me wants to say “f*** it,” yet part of me is desperately trying to hold on to my faith. Every month it feels like new struggles come. Every time I think a new opportunity is opening, it gets taken away almost immediately. I break down and cry, asking God: Why? Why is this happening to me?

Back then, when I didn’t care, life felt easier. Now that I’m trying to live for God, it feels like I’m always failing.

Does anyone else feel this way? Why does it seem like when I was lost, things worked out—but now that I’m trying to do right, nothing is working?