Asking for prayers, I’m breaking 🥹

I’m in the middle of what feels like the heartbreak of my life at almost 32. My partner of three and a half years has just ended things with me — again. This time, it feels real. He said he’s “100% done.” But just before he left for a month overseas, he asked for no contact, saying he needs space to see if he misses me.

We were meant to take this trip together. It was planned. Instead, he’s going alone now. This comes after five weeks of space we already gave each other — space that was supposed to help heal us. And while we had genuinely beautiful moments during that time, we also kept slipping back into arguments, emotional spirals, and pain.

What makes this so hard is that I truly believed we were fated. Our grandparents live next door to each other in a tiny village in Europe — we met online in Aus and only discovered that connection later. Our mothers became best friends. Our values align 100% — from politics, religion, food, and how we’d want to raise children. We see the world the same. That’s what’s kept us together so long. The foundation is love.

But something keeps getting stuck.

He says I make him feel like he’s not enough — that I question him, that I interrogate him, that he feels judged and smothered. And as hard as that is to admit… he’s not wrong. I loop. I overthink. I get triggered. He’ll say he spoke to a girl at the sauna, and I immediately ask if she’s hot. It’s not all the time — but enough to hurt him. Enough to push him away. Please pray for this 😭.

The hardest part is… I’m trying. Really trying.

I’ve been in therapy for years. I’m training to become a therapist. I journal. I read. I do breathwork. I’ve just started somatic practices to heal from the root. But it’s like my nervous system keeps betraying me. It’s like I’m watching myself from the outside still loop, still question, still react — and I hate it. I hate that my survival patterns are louder than my love.

He’s a freedom-loving person — spontaneous, independent, always planning trips, camping, fishing, working constantly. And while I love that about him, I’ve also struggled with it. I’ve often felt unseen or not emotionally present with him. And that fear has fed my insecurity, which has fed his need to distance. It’s a loop — a brutal one.

But it’s not about love. He told me that over and over — it’s not about love. He still loves me. But he doesn’t feel peace with me. That’s the part that’s killing me. Because I’ve been working so hard to find peace inside myself… but it hasn’t landed yet. Not in a way he can feel. And now I might lose him because I didn’t “heal fast enough.”

I’m writing this because I believe in prayer. I believe in miracles. I believe in God’s timing. But I’m scared. I’m scared of being too late. I’m scared of being too broken. I’m scared of losing a love that I know in my heart was real.

Please pray for me: • Pray that I finally break these trauma loops — fully, completely, for good • Pray that I forgive myself for not healing faster • Pray that I become safe in my own body, so I don’t keep losing what I love • Pray that if this love is meant to return, it will — by God’s hand, not my clinging • And pray that I don’t lose myself while I wait

I don’t know what’s ahead. I don’t know what this time apart will bring. But I want to believe that love — true love — isn’t lost because of imperfection. I want to believe that restoration is possible, if not with him, then with myself.

If you have it in your heart to pray for this I would be most grateful.

Thank you.