Grieving/depression

I don’t deserve gods mercy or grace. I’m grieving the loss of my baby. 4 years ago I had an abortion. I didn’t receive any guidance and my family basically turned their heads and didn’t show me there were other options. The father didn’t want to be a father. I have so much guilt and regret and feel my life will never be the same… I have so much hatred towards myself that i don’t know how to love others. I wonder if god would ever give me another opportunity to conceive, even though I don’t deserve it