I keep making the same mistake

I don’t know if there’s such a thing as spiritual harassment but since yesterday, I was having a rough day. I was discouraged and lost.

I pushed past that and just continued to improve in any way I could. There’s too many moments where I don’t know what’s from God. Most of the time, it’s discouraging, I ignore it but then it’s like something is telling me to listen because it’s the truth regardless.

I disrespected Him and I’m not sure if I walked away in that moment. Now that I did all of that, I wanted to just distance myself to calm down but I have this urgency to pray to God every time, even though that will cause me to get frustrated even more and I risk sinning out of anger.

This isn’t God at all, right? I’m improving and yet, I have unanswered prayers all of the time, I’m discouraged when I pray, and it seems like a higher being is just toying with me. It’s enough that I want to give up but like I said, I get this urgent need to pray. I don’t know what to do anymore.