I need help

I have been going through something dreadful for nearly a decade. The only thing that kept me going was hope for brighter days in the future and faith that God was real. Now, I’m feeling scared. I feel like I’ve wasted my life being a faithful servant. Or that I’m being punished. Whatever the case, I’m really at the end of my rope. I need a miracle. I understand Job, and see value there. But this is overwhelming. Not to mention I don’t know if I feel God’s touch or love anymore–or,at least, I don’t think I do. I am saved, but maybe I’ve lost my bearings. I need as many prayers for a reversal of my troubles as possible. My brothers and sisters in Christ please intercede for me. I am drowning. But please also know that my im praying for all of you too.