Please Pray For Me

I am struggling with my mental health and depression, and have no family.

My grandfather, who raised me, passed away earlier this year. I thought that i’d be okay but I’m not. he’s the only person who loved me and cared for me. i was never really considered as part of my mother or father’s family. and recently, as much as i try to be part of my mother’s family; i am reminded everyday that I’m not that i often lose the will to go on.

I have no family, no job, no career, no money and no home. Literally; if i had to pack my clothes right now and go be with family, i’d just go sit at my granddad’s grave because there’s literally no where else for me to go and i have no family.

My mom thinks my sadness is spiritual, but she doesn’t acknowledge how much I’m hurt or how excluded i feel. I’m in my 20s. ever since i was a teen, everytime i’d try to communicate how i feel, she’d blame me or someone else, and now she’s blaming the devil…when really…it’s just that i feel alone because they always exclude me. even my brother who i raised and tried my best as a teen to earn money to buy him things for school to ensure he;d have a bright future doesn’t even consider me his sister. we where having dinner yesterday, and he was upset about a conversation we were having where i reminded my mom that she couldn’t depend on my aunt to help with a certain thing and my brother says “i want to say something but it’s only for us 3” which i s my mom, her partner and my brother. i was the fourth. us 3 being the family because I’m not included.

I feel like such a burden. I havwen’t been able to graduate because my parents who said they’d help me pay for my fees, haven’t. but they’ve gone drinking, they’ve bought the fanciest things. and her i am; 2 pairs of underwear and just the few clothes to my name. things in our country is hard; i can’t apply without graduating, and also there’s a fee i have to pay with the police for clearance, and it’s quite expensive. minimum wage at a supermarket is like $1.72 USD/hr Everytime i thin ki’m going to get up and work and do smth i lose hope. I’ve already gotten help paying off some amount by a friend which was an unexpected blessing. But everytime i think I’ll be able to do smth i lose hope. I’ve lost every job opportunity that’s come my way too, and working would mean moving a town over which i have no money to do.

I just have no hope for the future, and i feel like I’m being punished for smth but idk what. IDlk what the lesson is supposed to be in this or how this is supposed to build my character.. I just don’t know what’s happening. I’ve prayed my whole life and even on the toughest days, when i couldn’t pray, still believed in God. There were times i lost faith but i couldn’t walk away and stayed and tried to work on it. THings i thought hard about not doing because it would be a sin. And i don’t understand why my life has been so hard. ANd now, i have no one.

My grandfathr’s gone. I have no family. I can’t work because of how things are, and i have absolutely no hope for the future. I’ve really worked through tough times, holding out faith but i don’t understand why things are this way,

I just feel so alone, and i don’t understand why. I’ve lost all will to live…I’m so tired all i want to do is rest, and see my grandparents again… but everyday i wake up, it seems like there’s still smth in me wanting to go on. which i don’t understand.

Please pray for me so that i can understand and figure out what to do, and for help.

I see orphans and people who’ve lost their parents make it in life. I was raised by my grandparents and they’ve both gone; the worst part is that i have my parents but they never really consider me as part of their family…I’ll always be on the outside. and i keep thinking that if other people can do it, so can it…but my heart and mind truly have given up hope. it’s just this thing in me that still goes on. i don’t know what to do. please pray for me