please pray for my heart.

My life has been full of ill and horrible decisions. Jesus Christ has saved me 4 times in my life (meaning that 4 times I been born again by the Holy Spirit) and every time I found a way to ruin my relationship with Him.. Ive sinned against Him so greatly and I don’t know what to do anymore because my heart just feels like it has no cure.I always make the wrong decision, stray the complete opposite way of what is good. and really im spiritually dead. every time God has tried to help my heart an save me I push Him away and let go of Him even though I want help and I wanna be saved. My heart is so sick and Im so tired of it being within me. please please pray for me. ik this sounds so dramatic but sin is really deceitful, I’ve let it overly deceive me in my life and im only 18. anything is appreciated. prayers, any words, anything my heart is so sad without God and its made His heart sad towards me.