Please pray for my mental health

I am one of the many detransitioners, 24 years old. It’s been 4 years since then, but walking away doesn’t change the fact that I had a double mastectomy, that I took hormones, that it left me with irreversible changes or that I’ve sunk and am still sinking funds I barely have to spare for hair removal, after around 60K and 4 years of it.

From things like not being able to sing worship music with everyone else in Church, it hurting to speak as I’ve forced my voice back to a feminine pitch, to explaining “I have no breasts” time and time again and having had many men lose interest as if I’m suddenly nothing, and even though I don’t blame them, my heart hurts.

My heart hurts from a childhood of physical and emotional abuse, to then enduring sexual harassment, assault and worse. It hurts from being ostracized by much of my generation and family here, from suicides of others close to me, and yet my mind gravitates there so often too.

I know God won’t have me go through anything more than I can take, that he’s taken so much of what I’ve gone through and helped me use it for good, and though I’m grateful, I’m just so tired. The chronic pain and medical issues don’t help.

Besides Him, I feel so alone and misunderstood. As these thoughts have been growing stronger lately, I try to think of God, all I’m blessed with, and look to a photo of my father and I. He might not understand it all, but he’s still here.

I want to feel understood by others, even just one friend, to find the empathetic, old souls, but to also find comfort and be content in what I have, in myself, in His plan for me, even in solitude, and to keep moving forward. Please pray for me.