Pray that my relationship can be saved

I had been dating this girl for almost 9 months. Things were going well, but I had this lingering fear regarding our long distance. And although I’ve communicated my fears about it, I couldn’t ever get an answer that could ever satisfy me, only that we were trying our best, and that things were going to get better one day. I stuck with it, and I stopped bringing up my concerns about it to spare her any further grief, as we both are struggling with money.

At around August, I finally get to visit her in person, and it was perfect! We had such a great time, and I had praised God for every day I was there. But as soon as I got home, I remembered why I was sad again.

Cut to the present time, and the emotions I had been keeping to myself only increased. And at about a week before I was going to fly down to have Thanksgiving with her family, those feelings became overwhelming. And the day before I was supposed to fly down, I broke up with her.

I’ve regretted it ever since. I’ve realized that all of those insecurities and fears I was feeling were irrational, and that the logistics of the long distance didn’t outweigh the value of our relationship. Although I tried to tell her how I felt after, she just wasn’t having it. She felt that I had betrayed her trust, and rightfully so. She said that she felt like I had made her feel bad about her body and that I had neglected her for the last 3 months. And just a couple of days ago, she said she doesn’t even want to be my friend anymore.

For those who know me, I am an absolute lover, and I would never want to make a person feel insecure or neglected. I feel I’ve lost my best friend, my partner, and that there is nothing I can do. I’ve been praying to God everyday, praying that she might reach out to me. That she might be able to forgive me. That she might be able to see the real me, how sorry I am about everything, and how much she means to me. I’ve been trying to forgive myself, cause I know that what I did was messed up, but I only did what I thought was best at the time.

But I know that it wasn’t. I trust in God’s timing, but the suspense of it all is killing me. Please, I love her so much. And I know deep down, that I don’t want anyone else. She means so much to me, and I know that I would go the distance for her. Please pray for me, I love her so much