Prayer for Clarity

I need clarity if I’ve committed the unforgivable sin. I’ve had questionable thoughts when angry about God and I’ve said and thought questionable things relating to Christianity when angry that I will not repeat aloud. Lately I’ve been feeling spiritually numb. I feel little to no conviction when I sin.

I’ve been asking God for clarity about this and I literally feel peace when I accept I might’ve done it but when I fight with the idea that I haven’t done it, it bothers me even more because my mind keeps telling me I did do it and there’s no use trying to care again because I’m going to hell. It scares me so much when I think about not being able to see my family again someday. Am I guilty of the unpardonable sin? Pray I get clarity because right now, I don’t know. Literally all weekend, I’ve been losing my mind over this to the point where I’m almost ready to harm myself. I’ve been praying for comfort and peace from God or signs but literally not getting ANY.

I’ve been googling this topic all weekend but still have no peace. There’s this little voice in my head that says I’ve done it as soon as I’m done praying or right as I’m praying.