Prayer request

I have a prayer I say every day, and I invite others to join me in it:

“God, if they’re not the one, then take away the part of my heart that still waits for them.”

The reason behind this prayer is that there’s a man who’s been on my heart. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. I’ve asked God to remove every feeling and memory I still hold, but somehow he always finds his way back into my mind—whether it’s through thoughts, memories, or even seeing patients at work who share his name or birthday.

The truth is, we’re not equally yoked. He doesn’t believe in God, yet I wanted to accept him as he was. I tried, but the doubts and second-guessing only made things fall apart. His actions shifted, his eyes spoke volumes, and eventually he admitted that he never truly liked me and never felt anything for me. We shared a little intimacy, but I never gave in fully. Still, I made mistakes because at the time I thought what we had was real. In the end, I realized I had simply been played.

Even so, part of me still hopes he did feel something, though I may never know. I shared so much of myself with him—he knows me more deeply than even my family does. Over time I noticed inconsistencies in his stories and half-truths about his past and family. Honestly, I could have looked past those lies if he had only been real with me.

What hurts most is that I miss him. Not just as someone I once wanted to love, but as a friend. We haven’t spoken in so long, yet I find myself wishing I could at least have him in my life in that way. At the same time, I know he damaged me deeply. My heart and my mind ache when I think of him. As foolish as it sounds, I even grieve the loneliness I see in him. Even when he’s surrounded by others, there’s a darkness in him, and I wish he could experience the joy of the Lord and true happiness.

I know it might sound pathetic, but my heart physically hurts when I think about him. That’s why I pray this prayer—because I feel torn between two options: 1. Having him in my life, even if only as a friend, while fully knowing nothing more can happen. 2. Or having God completely remove every memory, every feeling, and every attachment from my heart.

And if I’m being honest, the second option is really the only option—because he wants nothing to do with me anymore.

Also, I also ask for prayer over the anger I feel. He is someone who likes to sleep around and mess with girls—he’s even told me stories about it. The thought of someone else being intimate with him angers me so much. Everything I once liked, I don’t anymore either. He took so much of me.

I pray for my heart, and I pray for him to be safe, even if it’s in someone else’s arms. ( I hated saying that, that in itself made me upset ) he deserves love and I do hope he finds someone who loves him as he is and that he chooses to love her.