This year has me worn down

I know everyone is struggling, and I pray for each and every person who has to be going through these trials and tribulations this year.

In February, I was given 30 days to move out of my house thanks to my landlord selling the property.

The Lord helped me find a place. Although it was a bit higher in rent, it was closer to my family and the church I play bells at. We moved in just after Spring Break in March. The derecho destroyed our old place. We were extremely lucky to be out as both our cars would have been destroyed.

By May, everything had started falling apart. My fiancé, started having gut issues causing him to not be able to work. By June, it had become an emergency situation and he had two back to back major surgeries. He spent over a month in the hospital. Hurricane Beryl hit causing a ton of damage. Like many in my city, I lost all of my groceries in my fridge, freezer, and deep freezer. I still counted myself lucky.

My fiancé returned home in July and had to return to the hospital three days later due to his back herniating. His mother started having extreme health issues and has been in and out of the hospital. (She lives on the other side of the country.)

My fiancé then returned to the hospital a third time due to a fistula. He stayed in a couple more days. His surgeon won’t do reversal surgery for his two stomas until he gets a colonoscopy.

His stomas were found to be too small for the cameras after he had to endure anesthesia. So he had to have widening surgery. Only to get to the second colonoscopy and find one has already healed too much. Hopefully closure surgery can be done by the end of the year. His mental health has been so low this year and I’m in a constant state of anxiety.

In September, I found evidence that mice were living in my garage (which I never had a chance to unpack). We are only now getting that under control. My fiancé finally started getting the process started at the VA to acknowledge the disability he received in the Marines. This is still not finished.

Now, my job looks like they may be preparing to dissolve my position completely in all of the schools. I’m terrified right now that will happen and I will be left without any means to keep the roof over my head.

The bills have been adding up as he has been out of work since this all started. I was denied Welfare even though my rent and electricity bill is the entirety of my paycheck. Here we sit at Christmas and I am now drowning in debt and wondering why I’m working so hard just to suffer. I know God is with me so I can not fail, but I am having a harder time finding reasons to keep going.

Please pray for my mental state and that this all turns around by the end of the year. Thank you. Have a blessed Christmas.