God doesn’t love everyone

I don’t think God loves me. Either that or he’s not real. I just get up everyday and fight to not take my own life and I’ve come to the realization that maybe it’s okay for me to go. I keep holding on bc I’m scared of hell. But if God wanted to see me again, I wouldn’t have to fight Satan all by myself. Maybe not supposed to live bc my life serves a greater purpose after it’s over. I have had dreams of getting married and having kids. But I can’t do either one of those. I think God made it that way so that I would have no hope to live on. I think I’d be happier if God wasn’t real. I wouldn’t feel so guilty about dying. I wouldn’t be scared to go. I wouldn’t be hurt that the creator of the universe who loves everyone, doesn’t love me. But I do want God to be real so he can be with my family after I go. I love my family. God is the only person that could get them through this. I wasn’t loved by the world. I wasn’t meant to be. I wasn’t made to be loved.