God punishes those who love Him,

i”ve never found any human as unloving as my only God.i have tried so hard to believe in Him only to realise that He does not care about me at all.my life has been full of struggles like if was never even meant to be alive right now.i feel trapped, i jus want to die because it is the only thing that can save me from my own misery of a life.what is this ,i ask myself, even the humans care about their kids or am i not one of gods kids? i hate him and i wont carry the burden anymore of believing in someone that takes all the happines in my life.did he want me to suffer in this world.i wish i was never born because that is the only way i could escape from his sadistic plans’what are we to him than mere mortals.?he sees nothing special in us i will never believe in him again ever he makes me regret the gift of life yet he forces me to worship him even though all he does is just to bully me?