I lost my only family and all I have left is God… but I don’t even feel Him anymore. Help please.

I’m 19. I grew up in poverty. My mom left when I was a little girl. I never knew my father. My grandmother raised me. She was everything, my shelter, my comfort, my family. She was the one who prayed with me, taught me to say “God will provide” even when we had barely anything.

Two weeks ago, she died suddenly. A stroke.
One minute she was talking to me, and the next she was on the floor.
Now it’s just me in this broken house, full of silence and cold. I try to hold myself together, but some days I just cry until I fall asleep. I’ve been looking for work, but no one hires me. A few people offered me “help” in exchange for things no woman should be asked for. I said no, but I still feel the shame.

And yet… in all this, I still turn to God.

God, I know You are good. I know You are with the brokenhearted. But right now, I feel so far from You. I whisper Your name at night, and I wait. I wait for peace, for strength, for something.
I believe You have a plan, even when I don’t understand it.
But Lord… I feel like I’m drowning.
What do You want me to do?
Why take the only person who loved me, and leave me here, in this storm?

You are my refuge, God. You are my provider.
But I’m tired. I’m weak. I’m scared.
Please remind me that You are near, even now.
Please show me that this suffering has meaning, that this silence has purpose.

To anyone reading this who believes:
If you’ve ever had to walk through deep grief and still hold on to God, please share your words. Not advice, just… truth. Scripture. Prayer. Anything that helped you hold on when you wanted to let go.

I don’t want to let go of Him.
I just need help remembering how to keep holding on.