19 days till Christmas

39/m Graduated college at 22 and was the only person in my family to graduate. Held a unique job after for 5yrs that required physical labor. It was this skill set that allowed me to graduate debt free (scholarship). I became an example for my small community that living your dream was possible. I never looked at myself in those ways. I was truly just thankful. Had a kid 8yrs ago, his mother and I are no longer together but we stay close, as just last night we played the gross jelly bean game with our son.

What no one knows is that I have $100 to my name, with no income available until I land another job.

What I found out….. there’s beauty in struggle. I embrace being here more than any accolade I ever received. It’s scary, I’d love to spoil the boy on Christmas, but who am I to go against the circumstance before me. I almost fell into the trap of allowing circumstance to define me. That would’ve meant I would’ve been defined by all those years I basked in His abundance. I’m not here due to drug abuse, alcohol or gambling or anything nefarious. It’s honestly an overlap in jobs. The feeling of knowing I can look in the mirror and know I have no enemies, no one’s looking for me for payback, my son and his mother love me, family loves me and still think the world of me. Nobody knows my dirty little secret. I’m broke.

So to anyone going through struggles during Christmas time. Let go. Relinquish control. Give God room to work. If people find out you don’t have money, so be it. Don’t make it any worse than it is and create other problems and promises you know you’re not in position to keep. If you have a sane mind and those around you can speak good on your name, your further ahead than you know. One day my testimony will have been made whole. My son will need to hear it for when he gets older.

Yes people owe you. Yes you went out of your way for them. Yes you sacrificed fun for what you thought would be long lasting success. This is a perfect time to recalibrate your priorities. Enjoy the people around you. Pray like heck when everybody leaves.

Keep the faith.