I’m a bad, worse, horrible bad example of a brother.

⚠️IM NOT good enough for anyone⚠️

Im a 19YOM I’ve been having a depressing Christmas for awhile now and have been crying for 2 months now. And I don’t know what to do. I’ve been struggling with porn addiction 5 years now, and I just stopped this December, but i’ve been doing a lot of reflecting this Christmas, looking past my sins and old habits, and what I’ve done that was wrong.🥺😭

My Addiction Story: when I was little I discovered sex on YouTube back, when strict online regulations at the time weren’t so strict. I didn’t know how sex would work. But I think I started around the age of 5. I would fall in love with Disney princess, like princess Jasmine, belle, Tiana, and Ariel or bo peep from Toy Story or Barbie, any Disney girl that looked hot. But, when I was in middle school, some kids would trick me into by giving me a website link to pornhub. But I didn’t go on it when I told my mom. (Lucky me.) (And as a child I grew up with surrounded by a lot of women in my life. So it was kinda hard for me to be around guys until I reached high school.) I got bullied sometimes here and there. But that kind of stopped when I reached high school freshman year when I reached puberty I started twerk videos of girls then it moved on. To going watching pornography, and would occasionally watch hentai and furries. But I would stop shortly after 2020 started. But when the pandemic hit, I started getting addicted again. And my lustful curiosity grew, started watching and reading xxx comics and manga online about anthropomorphic animals and sexy demon girls, I even started drawing lewds but that didn’t last long with two drawings so I stopped that, but one day I saw a website that sent me to a bestiality website of people with real animals! (AND JUST SO YOU KNOW I NEVER DIS ANYTHING TO A DOG! I DIDN’T GO TO CRAZY!) In the beginning, I thought it was just a weird fetish people had, but then I looked at an article that talked about zoophiles going to prison and being illegal so I stopped! I feel so guilty and bad for the things I watched! And read about Leviticus talking about it, I told my mom and grandma and they understand they didn’t get mad at me. My mom told me that I was curious and it was OK and that I was going to make mistakes and my grandma told me to never ever never ever ever ever watch it again. I was crying and crying! Getting anxiety attack Because of what I saw and enjoying something that was bad. I regret, I repented to god again and again and again and again. I showed absolute mercy and remorse with my actions.😭🙏🏼

Sins: I stole money from family, lied to save my skin from trouble, lied to my friends to be popular, lied to others to be popular, being lazy and not doing work,sexual immorality, not paying attention and being disrespectful to others and even racism.

⚠️sometimes I cry so much about thinking of the past actions. I just want to end my life because of me being a bad Christian.😭💔⚠️

Right now: I just found out ON THANKSGIVING!!!! That my little sister has cancer and we are scared about the situation!🥺 I feel like a terrible brother when she sleeps on my lap in the car. I think to myself “she doesn’t deserve me. And I’m a bad brother. And if she knew the person that I once was, she wouldn’t look at me the same.” She draws for me, she even drew me, which made me cry.😢 i’m trying to make things right with myself and Jesus. And with my family. I’m doing better so far spending time with friends. Trying to learn the Bible more, which so far I’m feeling really good at. I go to an adult group now. they’re really nice to me. (Next year I’m going to join the military and go to a Christian school. And hopefully start a family and do better with my life. I’m trying to get better. I don’t know how I’m gonna move on. I’m trying to it’s hard but I’m gonna try❤️‍🩹, my little sister is the reason why I’m stopping my addiction and changing my ways. She’s the only thing on the entire planet. I care about. And I would be heartbroken to lose her. Please pray for her.🙏🏼)

⚠️I don’t know What’s going to happen in the future on judgment day when I meet God face-to-face. But I hope I’m welcomed to his kingdom with open arms. and join my nana and papa in heaven🥹. Please pray for my sister. That she stays strong.💪🏽 ⚠️