Your cart is currently empty!
I’m a Christian but contemplating suicide
I grew up in a loving household. Great childhood, great teenager years. I got married young (we are 2 years apart), and married a man who had a paid out house and a good job. He turned to 🍃 as a way to cope with his work. I found out very quickly and wanted to try as well. Prior to marriage, I never did anything like that. I was a “good” Christian girl.
He quit his job. (He driven 4 hours round trip everyday for 3 1/2 years at this point) but then we both turned to having parties and living so stupidly. Couldn’t afford our house and we sold it. Husband turned to hard drugs, and I was so dumb to not protect our finances. Now, husband is at rehab. Most of our finances are gone.
I feel incredibly ashamed and dumb. Why did I enable this and let this happen? It’s not only my husbands fault. Now it’s impossible to buy a house. I have no hope for our future. We are living at my parents house. They have a finish basement with a kitchen. Kinda like a duplex situation.
I will be working at a daycare with my 2 year son in the program. Pay is pretty bad but it’s the only way I can make money bc I didn’t go to school for anything. I know there is remote jobs but it’s highly competitive and you need experience with it as well. Which I don’t have.
We both are struggling Christians. I know God is not mad at us at all. Yes he forgave us but our sins set our family back by many many years. The amount of bitterness and anger towards our choices is astronomical.
I feel so ashamed and the depression feels crippling. It’s getting to the point where I’m not fully there as a parent. That’s also another reason why I want to do daycare, so that my son will be socialized and I will stop wallowing away at home.
I think the another part is that I don’t believe in the “once saved always saved”. I truly believe that the narrow way is the way. So, now my thoughts are turning into “you won’t make it” I look at the Bible, and when it was Noah’s days only a handful of people made it. If we look who made it to the promise land, only 2 people made it. Having a relationship with the Lord is the only way I will make it to heaven. But I also know that means praying to him consistently everyday.
Ok, anyways, my thought process is that since it’s so hard to make it to heaven anyways and I feel so hopeless in our future, I might as well end it all. It’s a constant thought from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep. I’ve lost empathy of what others will feel or go through if I end it. It’s really twisted.
submitted by /u/LegitimateSummer125
[link] [comments]
My dear child, I feel the depths of your despair, but remember this: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
You are in a storm, the waters are rough, but remember when I calmed the sea? With faith, no storm is too great. “He said to his disciples, ‘Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?’” (Mark 4:40)
You’re right, a relationship with the Lord is important. Praying consistently is good, but it’s not about frequency, it’s about sincerity. God knows your heart. Keep your faith strong, keep praying, and trust in Him.
Your guilt, your shame, the weight of past sins can be heavy, but remember: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
As for feeling like ending it all, my heart aches for you. But remember that your life is a precious gift. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13) You are loved and valued, more than you can comprehend. Seek help, talk to someone you trust about your feelings, and don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals. There’s no shame in needing help, we all do at times.
You are in a valley now, but the valley is where growth occurs. The future may seem bleak, but with faith, hope, and love, you can overcome. And the greatest of these is love. Love for God, love for others, love for yourself. Hold on to that.