moving out at 19 after physical altercation with religious mom

this is going to be a lot and all over the place but i guess i just need other perspectives and advices.

i’ve known my bf for about 8mo. and i recently just started having him over bc of his housing situation he lives with a relative away from home for school and i’m “not allowed” to have a bf. i knew if i ever did i would want it private from my family anyways but because of the weather and everything else sometimes i’d sneak him over and he’d stay the night. we live 30+ minutes apart so granted its not like i see him too often. i hadn’t seen him in almost 2 weeks so he spent the night. when morning came my oldest sister knocked once on my door to tell me to move my car out of the drive way, as she’s telling me this she doesn’t even wait for me to respond she just opened the door of my room. i panicked rushed to my door and shut the door abruptly, immediately i knew i fucked up with that reaction but nevertheless i go out to drive out and my sister walked out with me, went back in and came back out.

she backs out of driveway and leaves, i go to my room and my bf tells me that she saw him and my heart immediately sank. i’m rushing him telling him we have to go bc i feel like she’s gna go pick up my mom from work, this was around 8am btw.

eventually my sister comes back not even 10minutes later and starts yelling asking who the person in the room was, calling me unholy, shaming me, etc you name it and i couldn’t even say anything cause whenever i tried to she would yell louder and start attacking me as a person and my character. she then wakes up my brother from his room and wakes up my other sister and starts yelling at me in front of them, she’s being really loud at this point and im tryna the situation down but i grew up in an overly Christian nigerians household so you could imagine what would be said if you’re familiar with african families. at one point she forces my door open to see who was in my room but i had already shoved my bf into my closet at this point so she didn’t see anyone when she looked.

she then leaves again and at this point i pull my bf out the closet and tell him we have to leave asap cause the next time she comes back will be with my mom and that would be even worse. my bfs tryna calm me down, telling me not to cry but all i could to was cry, i was so embarrassed that he had to witness my family dynamics. i had opened up to him abt my family once but having him be there made me physically ill i can’t lie.

so we leave, park somewhere, and i just start bawling my eyes out and one thing after another kept coming out of my mouth and before i knew it had had basically told him all the shit i had to put up with growing up with my fam, everything i kept inside, the things i swore would never tell anyone and it was a lot. i didn’t realize how much i had kept in bc it felt so good to finally let it out. so anyways after this we’re trying to figure out what to do and we basically decided that i couldn’t go back till later bc things were still pretty heated but i needed to pack some stuff, i was supposed to work a split shift that day but ended up calling off my morning shift bc of the situation, so i needed to be able to get ready and the best thing was for me to go back home and pack a bag and essentials i need like work clothes, etc.

once i get back home my moms already home. i made it a point not to stop for small talk so immediately i start grabbing things and shoving it in a bag, my mom calls after me saying she wants to talk to me but bc ik my mom and how she is i wanted to just pack and leave, any conversation would’ve turned out bad. im leaving and she calls out to tell me she wants to talk to me but i told her im already late for work and left. the crazy part is my mom had texted me earlier telling me to come home cause we needed to talk but i have her messages on mute so i didn’t see it until after.

i spent the rest of the day with my bf. went to gas station to freshen up, we got food and had to eat in the car cause we both looked like shit, but since we couldn’t keep the car running i kept having to turn it off and on. i was with my bf till around 6, i didn’t want to keep him out, he needed to freshen up as well plus he has finals coming up so after dropping him off home i stay out for another hour and half and go back home.

i just wanted to shower, i hadn’t showered since the night before so i just wanted to shower and sleep cause i was so tired. as soon as i walk in my mom is waiting for me in the kitchen. i didn’t even get that chance to close the door and she starts going off at me and yelling telling me to go back to where i came from. in her words “the guy you brought over in the morning that’s helping me pay the mortage, go back to where you came from and bring him. i always knew you were carrying boys around”, etc. then she called me a whore, prostitute, slut, good for nothing, just like my dad (who has not seen me since i was 1yr), bastardized, and these were nothing new i had been hearing a lot of this and worse growing up so i didn’t even say anything i just kept packing my stuff.

at one point she lunged at me and started clawing at me. it started with her grabbing me trying to take me down and since i wasn’t budging she resulted to attacking my face. my moms shorted than i am but has a bigger build than i do so i had to use both to push her away from me and this lady kept clawing my face, because i was already using both hands i unfortunately ended up biting her bc her finger were really digging into my skin. after i managed to push her off me she continues yelling after me as im packing, when im leaving she yells at me to give her her keys and i literally told her she can come fight me for it, as long as my stuffs in that house im not giving her the key.

so i get in my car with my stuff and i look at my face in the mirror and burst in tears. i had blood smeered on my face, a swollen and bleeding lips, she scratched my face hard enough that it peeled some skin off so its very sensitive. the last image i have of my mom was when i was in my car, while i was looking in the mirror i looked back at the house and she was standing at the window looking at me and i just drove off after.

its monday morning now, 8am, this happened saturday morning i have seen my siblings since. conveniently they weren’t there when i went back home saturday to freshen up, because my mom planned it. she said she knew i would think she would be home, cause she usually works overnight, so she dimmed the lights so low to make it seem like it was off and there was no one home, which is exactly what i thought.

this time last year i had almost the same situation happen with my mom twice when i had the chance to leave , but i just kept thinking that things would get better but the fact that the same situation happened again just in a different way is a sign for me. as soon as my mom put her hands on me i knew i wouldn’t go back so i’ve been camping in my car since then, i’ll probably be camping in here for the week, next week i had plans to sleepover at a family friends place so hopefully that still happens otherwise id camp in my car again which is whatever since ill have have one more week till the new year. i’ve come up with a plan so i’ll be moving for the new year but i tried to go back home around 6am tdy to fet a few things and saw that the lock has been changed, so now idk how im supposed to pack the rest of my stuff without having it backfire on me. it’s just so mind boggling to be bc my mom has always said to us that it’s fine if we’re in a relationship she just wants to know the person and the person should be someone who has the same beliefs as i do, on so many occasions that has been her answer so it’s very shocking that this is how she reacted but granted no one would’ve knew he was my bf so maybe it’s a bit different, he’s also my first bf and we’re on the same page and our future together. i take my part of the blame, obviously im not perfect and i do stuff without thinking sometimes which causes a reaction from others but idk i feel like this time this is not something that can be resolved easily. i told my mother she will never see me again and i mean it. once i leave, they will never seen me unless coincidentally.

anyways im not stressing, God puts us through the tough times in order for us to blossom and i’ve been seeing signs that’s been confirming that this may be what God wanted to use to take me out that household, because i didn’t listen last year i so all i can do now is trust him now. i just don’t know what to do about the rest of my stuff, and if you made it this far, you’re the best 🙂