How do i believe?

Hey so sorry if this is a bit of a ramble but I (18m) have been delving into faith abit and im pretty taken aback because I love all the values and wisdom in the bible and all that but “God” and all the faith and belief is really getting to me and I have some questions and if anything can help me spark and idea of discussion please feel free as im pretty new to this stuff. Thank u sm
1- Doesnt me trying to find reason and evidence for an existence contradict having “faith”??
2- I can say that I believe in God all I want but how do I actually really genuinely believe it? like i try seriously to believe but I just kind of think its ingenuine and that im subconciously trying to gain something from it like eternal life or happiness or greater purpose or some revelation or even guidence. Its like im stuck trying to want an answer that isnt meant to be shown or somesomething i think?
3- speaking on its ingenuine I’ve begin to pray and I dislike “asking” for stuff cause it seems ingeniune and I often pray and say things im greatful for but when stuff hits the fan i end up asking for things, isnt this ingenuine? is it wrong?

Thank you for reading all of this and I’m sorry if its a bit of a ramble but any answers or help is really helpful 🙂 thank u all sm